Friday, October 11, 2013

Yes, dear

Out of the blue the other day, DH said "How can I make what is a decent living and we never have any money?" He wasn't angry. Just venting.

I've long given up getting DH terribly interested in the money situation. If I dwell too long on it, I resent him and that's not what I want to do. (He took over paying the bills once early in our marriage and I was so horrified by the awful bookkeeping that I just started doing it myself.) He knows what we have and what we owe - well, he has access to it all, he just rarely bothers to actually look too hard into it. He is not a spendthrift and doesn't have expensive hobbies or car lust, so I try not to be too hard on him. We are just wired differently.

But back to his question. I think because he is removed from the finances, he forgets. But don't worry, I'm right there to remind him. I pointed out that $100,000 went (and is still going) to sending kids to college. We bought four cars in a year's time (2 for us, 2 for the kids ... all are paid for). We are still paying for the $40,000 accessible bathroom addition for our son. (I so wish I had a $40,000 kitchen instead!) There have been the medical expenses - and the equipment not considered essential by insurance. For example, a van with a dropped floor and a ramp to accommodate a power wheelchair - $15,000. Just for the modifications. Our daughter got married last year. So we paid for a wedding. And on and on and on. The list of necessary and stupid is long.

I did reassure him that there is a light at the end of the very long tunnel. In 2.5 years, we will wipe 6 credit cards off the list. The monthly minimums for those 6 cards total, hold on to your hat, $1,443. That should help give us some breathing room, finally, and get the snowball rolling.

He's really frustrated, I think, because the raise that was supposed to kick in over the summer is being delayed by union contract negotiations. And, like me, he knows retirement is getting closer on the horizon. Well, he hopes it is, anyway.



  1. My husband does not get it either and he does not make a good living. But you are right they are just men.

  2. I can totally identify with this feeling and I experience it often, even though I know exactly where the money is going and that it has to be done. I recently did a rough in my head calculation of how much I've had to spend since I moved five years ago. On top of the more than 15,000 of debt I brought with me, I've also had unexpected expenses of close to the same amount. And that's on top of the expected expense of having to move my stuff here, set up home, buy some furniture and appliances, etc. It is sometimes hard to figure out why, when I earn a decent salary, I'm still in debt. Nearly there though - here's hoping no other expensive emergencies come up in the next six months.